Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
