I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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