I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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