i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
