I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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