You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
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i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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