I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
