not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
