i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
