Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
