Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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