It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
