Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
