Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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