I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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