Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
No idea. I blame fireball.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life