nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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