I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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