??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Randomize
