dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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