I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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