I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
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