Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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