the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
