areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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