A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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