I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
