Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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