I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
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I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
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I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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