Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
