how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
