If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
