she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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