Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
