me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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