dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I am one with the molecules
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
