I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
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Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
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HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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