So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
