Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
