i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
