forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
