Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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