In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize
