4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
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she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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