why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I am mentally ready for anal.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
