how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize