So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
