we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
