why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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