Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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