I hate all girls vehemently.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
