Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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