i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
