So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
